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SORT - OLDEST FIRSTH0M3 P4G3SIGN MY GUESTBOOK

August 3rd, 199X

• Feeling: fucking scared.
• The lock wasn't latched when I woke up today. On the front door. Whoever's been following me has been inside my house. I would go to the police, but I don't even know how they'd handle this situation. I know it has to have been the same person. Following me or whatever. They've probably been reading these updates. That's part of the reason I don't try too hard to make posts anymore. But now, I can say with certainty that this will be my last blog update. I'm not going to leave a trail anymore for anyone online to see.

July 29th, 199X

• Feeling: Disappointed in myself.
• I promised Krystal we'd have a fun summer. We've went swimming like once. We don't keep up with each other anymore. I don't keep up with anyone anymore. I honestly wish that I felt lonely. I still feel the dread of being watched.

July 13th, 199X

• Feeling:out of place at the public library, tbqh.
• Sorry I haven't updated in a while... I had to sell my computer to make rent. Times are tough. I have been seeing a doctor about sleep issuses. Mostly, they've just been trying to push sleeping pills on me. I've been trying to resist because that's money and also I don't want to be medicated. I don't want to be dependent on any capsules or tablets or any of that bullshit. All I can think of when I look at those orange bottles is my mom. I think? I'd honestly rather die than be an addict.

May 26th, 199X

• Eating: Ramen
• Drinking: RC :(
• Feeling: Tired
• All moved in. Found out last night that this place didn't have working locks??? Like seriously WTF? We borrowed some power tools from Krystal's dad to try and put one on the front door. I think we did it right? It doesn't matter anyway because I can't sleep. Again. -_- I thought I was over this.

May 24th, 199X

• BRB, graduating.
• GOD THAT WAS BORING. Especially Kelli's speech. God damn bitch, shut up. I wanted to go home like ten minutes in, no lie. That speech aged me about 20 years. So ready to fuckin' get a move on. I'm packing my stuff tonight. Krystal - the true MVP - is helping me move tomorrow! :D

May 23rd, 199X

• Watching:Judge Judy xD
• Eating: some cake :3
• Drinking:Crystal Pepsi :D
• I went to Krys's graduation party yesterday and - other than her grandma giving me dirty looks for my hair xD - it was great! I'm so sad that she's goin' to be leaving in August. :'( BUT that just means that we're going to have to make this summer the best summer ever!!! We can hang out at my apartment and go to clubs!

May 14th, 199X

• Feeling: Unprepared.

May 13th, 199X

• I can't shake this feeling. Eyes. On me.

May 12th, 199X

• Feeling: Paranoid
• Listening: I Think I'm Paranoid by Garbage
• Bright side: I think I found some promising apartments I think I can afford.
• Shitty side: The neighborhood their in literally has drug busts every week and meth labs exploding every few of months.
• I super duper do NOT feel good about this move, but it's better than living with a mom that'll invite a dude into her life that slams her and her daughter into the fucking wall so hard that they bruise and his knuckle bleed and the walls are riddled with holes and dear God let me leave.

• Eating: a pb&j - classic
• Drinking: too much apparently??????? WTF??
• Feeling: shitty, stupid, and achey...
• I. Got. SO. Fucking. Drunk. I have no idea how. I had two drinks. TWO!!! Krystal can vouch for me here! That's all I had ALL NIGHT. Nothing more. No other form of partying other than two shitty warm beers. AND ... Get this. I got a fucking tattoo. I have no idea how?? I wasn't carrying enough cash and this is a big fuckin' piece. All across my chest. And it's UGLY! GODDAMN! Like. It's not bad art. It's not poorly done. It's just - fuckin' gag - super preppy. It's this Ed Hardy bullshit script with baby pink. I don't know what the fuck I said or did or anything, but I guess I have this now. Time to own it. *shrugs*
• Ya know... Krystal doesn't know how I got it either. I messaged her and she said that she brought me home. She said I seemed fine. Krystal said that we all just had a good, chill, normal, time. I was "going on and on and feeling like someone was watching us" though. Like. This... is freaky, right? Liek, I'm not weird for thinking thsi is weird. Right? I just don't know what's going on, but talking with Krystal sent shivers down my spine that won't leave me. I love you so much Krys. You are like the only person I can give this much trust to and get any comfort from. Thank you for telling me what happened, straight up.

May 10th, 199X

• Drinking: in moderation.
• Feeling: pretty damn excited.
• Krys and I haven't gotten to hang out in forever!!! OMG! But tonite, we're going to an end of the year bon fire! With finals being next week, we're blowing off some steam on the beach. ^^ Kryssie sissie is going to be keeping me on a tight leash to make sure I don't do anything crazy. God, girl. The things you do for me! You're the bestest friend EVER!!! I hope you meet people that appreciate you the same way in college! :D And since you're going all the way to NYC (omg1!!!!) I can visit, right? ;) I am so proud of you, Krystal. Right now you're standing next to me, griping to me about being on my computer instead of out the door, but I know you love me. xoxo We look good, gotta say. Even if you do kinda smell like burnt hair! xD NO! I won't shut up! Oh my GAWD. Okay okay. TTFN. Gonna go have a gr8 night tonite!!!

May 8th, 199X

• Drinking: Hot chocolate :D
• Feeling: better.
• Mom came through for me for once and let me snag a sleeping pill from her. It knocked my ass right out. LAWL. xD God, I haven't felt rested in what feels like forever. I had super weird and vivd dreams though? They defiantley were nightmares, but liek... I only classify them as nightmares because I woke up with my heart racing. I can't remember them all that well? I think there was some ginger dude with these really round glasses??? But LIKE??? That's. Not. Scary! xD WTF, BRAIN?

May 7th, 199X

• Feeling: Apathetic
• I don't care if I ever wake up. I just. WANT. TO. GO. TO. SLEEP. UUUUUGH!!!!!!! KILL ME!

May 5th, 199X

• Watching:
• Eating: Cheetos
• Drinking: what I'm pretty sure is the strongest cup of coffee ever to be made in the state of Florida
• Feeling: like shit.
• I have never been more tired in my life. I haven't been able to sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time like all week. My eyes hurt looking at this screen, but it's much better than staring at my math book like I have been for the past two hours. Logs don't make any fucking sense, lawl. But like. When I do sleep, I feel like I'm only half asleep. Does that make sense? When I'm awake, I almost feel the same way, except everything hurts a little bit more. Probably from just being so burnt out. When I start to nod off, I keep seeing things out of the corners of my eyes and I snap my head up. I was talking to Krys about it and she said it sounds like sleep paralysis. Which sounds like Hell. But I feel like Hell. So maybe it is. I'm hanging in there. It's almost time to get up for school and this worksheet is only half done. x-x Hopefully I can flag down a nerd to help me in home room? Any nerds out there reading this? Help a girl out, lol. Ugh.

April 30th, 199X

April 29th, 199X

• Watching: out.
• Reading: a fat stack of study guides. x_X
• Feeling: the pressure rising.
• Okay, so like. I still need to figure out where I'm going after graduation. Like. It really fucking sucks to here everyone go on about which colleges they're considering... When like my only option is to look for apartments in neighborhoods probably filled with shitty people that are going to beat my door down and rob me. But that's just liek. Looking at things in a dark way, you know? I gotta be more positive. Between finals and trying to get my shit together, I keep having suuuuper shitty days where I just like. Wanna stay home. Avoid all mirrors. Avoid all windows. Just wrap myself up in a blanket. Try to pretend I'm not here. It feels so sad. And on top of all this shit, Krys is too busy to hang out. :( I've offered to like hang out and study with her, but she made a good point about us having different classes. Oh well. We can both get through this. :) Here's to looking on the bright side! Despite the bullshit. CYA

April 20th, 199X

• Eating: Taco Bell Cinnamon Twists
• Drinking: only enough to get a good crossfade.
• Listening: 24 Hour Party People
• Feeling: fuckin' good. :]
• Wearing: my kigurimi. :3
• Best Day of the year, right here.

April 19th, 199X

• Eating: lunch in the computer lab, like a rebel.
• Feeling: ...annoyed.
• WE GET IT, KELLI. YOU'RE ON TRACK TO BE VALIDICKTORIAN. YOU'RE GRADUATING EARLY. SHUT UP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I hope you read this. I hope you fail your next calc test. And the one after that. And the one after that and the one after that...

April 16th, 199X

• Eating: Hamburger :p
• Drinking:Chocolate milk
• Listening: to some fuckin' music, idk
• Feeling: it.
• My fucking dealer went missing. o-O ??? I hope he's not like. In jail or something. Or dead. Both would suck. I was totally panicing, cuz like how else am I going to get dubs in a few days?? Krys totally saved me though. She brought me with to this other dude's house. Really kinda sucked that we can only visit him at like... 3 AM, but whatevs. I totally don't mind being out that late with how good his shit is. A stop by his place. A stop by Taco Bell for some cinnamon twist... and boy am I set, lawl.

April 12th, 199X

• Listening:Come As You Are by Nirvana (a fucking ANTHEM!)
• Reading:a book I found at the library about self defense.
• I died tonight! xD I dyed my hair, I mean. I felt liek fuckin' doing whatever I wanted to help my mood improve! Too much shit has me down, man... SO like. My bangs are blue and the rest is green!! How cool is that??? Like! If you see someone with that dye job walking down the street, come say hi!!! Lawl! That'll be me, bitch.

April 7th, 199X

• Watching:my back...
• Listening:closely...
• After my little online pity party last night - which was kind of a bummer, but it's my blog, so fuck off if you're goin' to tell me what I can and can't write about - I went on a walk towards the shore. It wasn't that late. It was like 10-ish. There were plenty of people still out and about, especially at the bars by the beach. No one should be in trouble for like... walking in the same direction as me. But like. I don't know... It just felt like someone was following me. I didn't see anyone. No one tried to talk to me - other than the occasional guy asking if he can borrow my lighter, you know how it is. But there definiantly was a presence of someone behind me the whole goddamn night. I don't like this one bit. SMTOE...

April 6th, 199X

• Watching:my mouth *eye roll*
• Feeling:Fan-fuckin'-tastic
• Wearing:Bruises
• The fuckers found my account. I like have no idea how. They don't even know how to send E-mails. Mother fuckers. I'm keeping everything up. I'm changing passwords and shit. I might change URLs? We'll see. They can throw shit at me. I don't care. I only have to make it, what? Like two more months? Whatever, I'm 19. Technically, I could totally move out if I wanted to. But like... Failing eighth grade fucked me over I guess, haha. I need to be here just until graduation. I can figure shit out between now and then. This is just stupid.

April 1st, 199X

• Drinking:Gin and Juice
• Listening:Gin and Juice - Snoop Dogg
• Feeling:Pretty pissed...
• Like... I totally get that it's April Fools and everything, but I could really do without my mom's bf threatening to strangle me. Like... Call me lame, but that really isn't a joke. Whatever. They were both high. Dear God, I can't wait to fucking get out of here.

March 29th, 199X

• Drinking:Crystal Pepsi B)
• Feeling:AWESOME AND RELIEVED
• THANK GOD!!! KRYS, I LOVE YOU LIKE A SISTER!! I had lunch with her today! :D Everything is good again! That's just how it is with best friends for life. :D They're like butt cheeks. No matter how much shit gets between them, they'll always stick together. xD She also said that she's gonna have her older sister give me a stick and poke later tonight, which I am super excited about!

March 24th, 199X

• Feeling:Introspective
• What if titties were life-sized?

March 20th, 199X

• Listening:The Smiths
• I feel like absolute shit. Please. Talk to me. Please. PLease. Please. Krystal.

March 17th, 199X

• Reading: our old IMs... :(
• Feeling: Kinda confused
• Hey, so like? Who brought me home? Thinking about it too hard is kind of scary... Thank you to whoever did, but like. I've asked around and no one knows who I left with on Saturday night.

March 14th, 199X

• Listening:Shoop by Salt N Pepa
• Feeling:Lucky
• God damn, werewolves are hot. I want a werewolf bf, no lie. Or gf. Idk as long as I can date a werewolf. Passing thought.

March 12th, 199X

• Eating:my own words
• Krystal, I am so sorry. If you're reading this right now - which I understand why you wouldn't be - I did you dirty. I totally ruined your chances with Brent. That's not what a good friend would do. Drunk or sober. Tons of people came and told me what I did at the party. I'm sorry for throwing that drink on you. I'm sorry for ripping your favorite fishnet gloves. I'm sorry I vomm bombed all over his shoes. I have no idea why I did all that. I'm sorry for ditching you to go smoke. That probably only made things worse. I know you don't want to respond to my IMs, but I can see that you're online. That's why I'm posting this here. If you're reading this, please come talk to me. I want to make things right between us.

March 9th, 199X

• Eating: Crackers and Tylenol
• Drinking: Sprite
• Listening: to the pounding in my head.
• Wearing: my dear sweet kigu
• I liked drinking. Drinking did not like me. I wanna die even more than usual lol. So like. I honestly don't remember much? Like, I remember getting there and talking to some people and like playing darts for a bit with Krystal, but then we split up. She started talking to a guy that was way cute... but ttytt he would've looked wayyy better if he dyed his hair black or something instead of blonde. :/ Maybe I should dye my hair soon? Anyways, I'm getting off topic (which lol is easy for me, as you all know). But like. After Krystal and I split, I remember grabbing more drinks... And then nothing else?? I'm not even totally sure how I got home last night. o-O I sent Krys an IM as soon as I woke up, but nothing yet. I'm sure she's just sleeping in. Considering I got black-out drunk, I'm sure last night was WAYY KRAZY! Before we left the house, her and I looked like all that and a bag of chips, not gonna lie. I'm actually being humble here. We looked hot as Hell. Her hair was as close to Heaven as I've ever seen hair get. Which was a niiice contrast to the pentagrams hanging from her ears and her neck. SHOUT OUT AGAIN TO KRYSTAL. HAWT AS ALWAYS, BABY! ILY! I think I'm gonna send her another message and finally look at my messages from last night/this morning. Seems like I was pretty popular at the party. B^) Ya girl done did good. CYA!

March 8th, 199X

• Drinking: Lemonaid
• Eating: Nothing, so I can get drunker
• Listening: to CARAMELLDANSEN!!!
• Wearing: my kigu :3
• TONITE IS THE NITE. Right now, I'm just chillin'... Waitin' on Krys to get here in a few so we can get ready together. I haven't told Mom about my plans for Spring Break, but TBF, she hasn't asked. She doesn't have any room to judge anyway. *eye roll* She can literally eat my shorts if she's goin' to judge me for what I do in my free time. Fucking pill-popping bitch. Wish she would choke. Whoops, I mean... I love my mommy!:) And the Ritalin she force-fed me in second grade! And the pain killers she has for dinner with sleep for dessert! :D ... ... ... ... *cough cough* ANYWAYS... Krys and I are busting out our GOTHEST LEWKS for tonite - which, is going to be killer! I heard that the dude throwing the party is one of the seniors from last year and his dad is letting him stay at their beach house over the summer, so we are totally going to a grown-up REAL LYFE PARTY! This is CRAZY! I'm like totally quaking with excitement!!! Oh snap! I think I hear Krystal's car pulling up! G2G! Ugh... I totally don't wanna take this kigurumi off!! (Kigurumis are essentially a wearable stuffed animal, for you normal people btw. ;) ) TTFN W00T W00T!!

March 7th, 199X

• Eating:Toast!1!! xD
• Drinking:...soon ;)
• Reading:The invite :D
• UR GIRL GOT A B+!!! We're popping bottle tonight. XD But seriously, I have a party I'm going to tonight! :D Krystal (my bffl!!!)is going to be there and we're both going to get soooo wasted. Kicking off Spring Break right! Krys says she doesn't wanna drink, but we'll see about that. How else are we going to talk to cute boys? :P I'm honestly surprised she doesn't have a boy toy already... She is SO pretty. Krystal, if you're reading this (which, to be fair, you are) YOU GO GIIIRL!!! HELLZ YEAH!!!!1!!!!!!!11!!!!

March 5th, 199X

• Drinking: A big ass cup of coffee
• Watching: Time tick by
• Sorry about all the construction, guys. I made this Web site initally as a project for school..... It was due like a week ago and I'm just now finishing this. We should be good now. xD I know my little corner of the internet isn't much, but it is satisfying to see it come together. Who knowz... Maybe one day... :) I could be a H4CK3R! >:) Anyway, I'm totally beat from this all nighter. Gonna take my blog posts down for a bit so I can show the teach' and give him some puppy dog eyes and get a B or somethin'. I'll probably replace this posts with something stupid. Check back if you wanna see me fake my way out of this one, gang. PNL.

March 4th, 199X

• Drinking:Chocolate Milk

March 2nd, 199X

• Eating: Cheese
• Drinking:Crystal Pepsi :p
• Watching: Buffy xD
• Reading: As I type, lawl
• I've never really thought about blogging before tbh, but this seems liek a good way to keep track of stuff. Like a diary kind of.... but without the risk of losing it @ skewl or something shitty like that. :/ i mean... Posting stuff on the 'Net for everyone to see isn't exactly private. But I have a feeling that no one would be looking through this website that I think I would actually like care if they saw. Like. I doubt my mom is going to be snooping on here. That bitch. She doesn't know me. She wouldn't be able to guess my passwords in a million years. xD